Week 31: Self Care ≠ Selfish

Hi, my name is Shannon and I have OCD, and the potential for the anxiety that is known to accompany it. 

After living with an unnamed obstacle for decades (these things were not typically discussed in the 70s-90s when I was coming of age), I finally realized something was different about me. Soon after becoming a mother, I sought out answers and coping techniques to ensure I was doing all I could to provide my kids with a happy and healthy life. 

My therapist ran me through the ringer with some intense, for me and my condition, exercises. But I'm happy to say that for decades now I am able to live in the world and not have my OCD impact others (98% of the time). I've come so far as to learn to lean into my born tendencies to enable me to excel at things professionally, or in actively loving those close to me, and having a whole lot of empathy for others. 

Having said that, last week did not look like that. Last week was a tough one for me. And as usual, there wasn't really an exact reason. 

Yes, I had stress. Yes, I was dealing with some personal things. Yes, work was busy (I'm a real estate agent and the Spring market is underway, it comes with the territory - and I love it 99.9% of the time). 

But none of those things were really any more intense than I ordinarily, happily, live with. 

But last week Thursday, the day I had planned my activity for Kindness Countdown, I found myself riding the wave of one of the most severe anxiety attacks I have had in many years. 

I don't normally cry. But I did last week. 

I am almost never brought to my knees unable to move forward with things. But last week I was. 

I don't take my anxiety medicine but a couple times a year. But I did last week. 

I don't often share my story about living with OCD. But this week I am. 

Why? Well, because 1) I'm considering the grace I showed myself as last week's kind activity, giving myself the time to dig out of the pit I found myself in and 2) I wanted to pass along a reminder to anyone who needs it that it's OK to take time for yourself. 

There really is something to that whole "You can't pour from an empty cup" thing. 

I have the above-pictured wave tattoo on my wrist as a reminder and illustration of the truth I've found over the years: bad thoughts/times come in, but they are temporary; all waves eventually return to the sea.

If you're in a rough patch, give it time (like I did last Thursday). If you are living high, enjoy the ride (like I did with a fun night out with my bestie to celebrate me getting through the tough time last week - top photo 😄).

Here’s to hoping you have more ups than downs, and the love to give yourself time to work through the lows when the tide goes out. It will always come back in! 

PS: the tattoo under the wave is my sweet dog Maude who passed away two years ago. The story of us coming into each other’s lives is a whole story, but part of it is I was open to another dog to help with my anxiety and she ended up having lots of her own. We loved and healed each other as best we could and I miss her every day. 💗